On My Heart

Tonight I thought I'd share what's on my heart regarding a part of my life that has yet to be shared on this little blog. It brings me much

joy. 

frustration. 

struggle. 

happiness.

It is estimated that each day, the average American hears 5 hours of it. 

Music. 

You see, 3 years ago I made a decision that changed my life. After one semester of college, I switched from a Social Work major to a Music Education major. Up until that point, music had always just been a hobby. A hobby I did not take very seriously. 

or had much confidence in.

When I switched, a teacher of mine told me this:

There will be good days and bad days. Days when everything just clicks. Days when you find yourself in a practice room in tears...push through those days, because it'll all be worth it in the end.

This past semester seemed like just one big, bad day.  I spent more hours in tutoring than I did in actual class.  I found myself in tears of frustration and anger after  every lesson but one.

And every single day, I asked myself why I was putting myself through all this.

I hated music.

I think there comes a time in all areas of the arts, where we all reach a similar point. 

We feel as if we just don't measure up to par.

Whether it be by our own measure , a teachers, our peers , etc.

We feel as if we've given our all, but  little has come out of our efforts.

I ended this semester never wanting to play violin again.

And so I took a break. 

A nice long,

intentional break.

Until tonight.

For some reason, it just felt right to start again tonight. I played what I wanted to play, for as long as  I wanted to play.

And I loved every second of it.

With my recital approaching faster than I would like, I was sent home this summer with a list of music  from my violin professor to learn for my recital.

Not one of the pieces on the list did I suggest or have any desire to play.

So I'm not going to.

I'm going to play the pieces that I've learned over the past three years that have brought me joy.

They may not show off the skills I have or have not learned.

They may all be cliche and over played.

But I love playing them.

And some day, I hope the one thing that makes this struggle all worth it,

is seeing my own students

making music

that brings them

that same exact

joy.